


Why Didn't You Tell Me

by SophieD



Series: Criminal Minds [5]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Developing Relationship, F/F, Femslash, Friends to Lovers, Romance, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-14
Updated: 2018-12-14
Packaged: 2019-09-18 07:04:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16990296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophieD/pseuds/SophieD
Summary: Emily has been wanting to kiss JJ for years but was always too afraid to tell her.  When a thunderstorm forces them innocently into the same bed, Emily has to make some hard decisions about her life.





	Why Didn't You Tell Me

**Author's Note:**

> The story that inspired this is a very short riff I wrote about what each of the characters did during a thunderstorm. It currently is posted as "Emily and JJ's Story" if you wish to know what Emily actually said. The story that starts here is the next day. Not all of the details match and I'm planning on rewriting as a prequel or first chapter.
> 
>  
> 
> I love comments and questions. I am never offended by polite helpful criticism. I might not always agree, but I always listen. Just please don't bruise my fragile ego by telling me I suck. If you are curious to see some of my other art, you can find me at www.creative-color-works.myshopify.com

JJ abandons her carry on bag at the end of the table and kicks it under before sinking into the open seat beside Derek.

“Coffee! Someone please bring me some coffee!” When no mug of steaming brown life water appears miraculously in front of her, she reaches across the table and snatches Spencer’s. She wrinkles her nose when she smells the milk but takes a long draught anyway. Spencer makes a grab to get his property back. She dodges his hand long enough to drain the cup. He pouts into his empty mug while she steals his menu and flops it open in front of herself.

“Where’s Prentiss?”  
She shrugs at Derek while eyeing his coffee cup. He moves it to his other hand and she frowns.  
“Still in bed, I guess. She was grumpy so I let her be.”  
Rossi nods. “The storm must have kept her up. It was certainly something, wasn’t it?”  
JJ shrugs again as she mimes pouring coffee into a cup at the server across the room.  
“I dunno, I slept right through it. Is anyone here going to take our order? I’m starving.”

Emily finally makes appearance in the restaurant. She takes a seat kitty corner from JJ. JJ acknowledges her with a casual flick of the eyes and goes back to studying Spencer’s menu before deciding to get the same thing she always gets. Two eggs. Sunny side up. Bacon and hashbrowns. Hold the toast. Coffee. Leave the carafe. She tries to catch a server’s eye again; Rossi chuckles quietly at her; Spencer tries a slight of hand trick to get his menu back. Emily stares at her place setting without word. Hotch is talking to someone from the office on his phone. Only Spencer catches the eye contact between Derek and Rossi. He can’t figure out what it means.

The rest of the morning proceeds on the typical schedule. If Emily seems a bit more introspective than normal, no one really notices. She gets that way sometimes. Everyone is much too busy with the business getting back home to their loved ones, those that have loved ones waiting for them anyway. Out of habit, they all take their customary places, Hotch at the bulkhead with his briefcase, Emily and Rossi across from Derek and the seat always reserved for his woman, Penelope. JJ and Spencer are in the back, huddled together over a cat video on Spencer’s phone. After take off, JJ wanders to the bench and curls up to sleep. With a flick of the eye in JJ’s direction, Rossi excuses himself to teach Spencer a lesson on how to gracefully lose at chess. Again. Derek slides his headphones off and lets them hang around his neck. He sits quietly while Emily fidgets and picks at her fingers. He finally catches her glancing surreptitiously at JJ’s sleeping form.  
“She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” he asks softly.  
Emily jumps, her cheeks turning bright red. “What? Who? Who is beautiful?”  
Derek re-directs her eyes to JJ with a point of his chin. “She is. JJ. I was just watching her sleep. She is a very beautiful woman.”  
Emily nods, hoping that Derek’s words mean nothing more than they seem.  
“She is. I suppose. I mean of course she’s beautiful, everyone can see that. I mean who wouldn’t think JJ was beautiful.” She halts the conversation abruptly, realizing it would be best in her best interest if she just stopped talking. Derek knows he’s finally got her cornered and he tries again.  
“You know, us guys notice other guys too. We just don’t talk about it.”  
Emily nods, trying really hard not to understand what he’s trying to say.  
“I mean, even if you are attracted to someone, it doesn’t really mean anything. Unless it does.”  
Emily closes her eyes in resignation.  
“How long have you known?” she whispers.  
“About you? Pretty much since the day we met. Or about you and JJ?”  
Emily nods.  
“Pretty much since the day we met. You do realize you work with profilers, right?”  
Emily’s shoulders slump.  
“Who else knows?”  
“Rossi.”  
“I just figured that out.”  
“Pretty sure Spencer doesn’t but he knows there’s something going on. He’s going to figure it out soon enough. He’ll have questions.”  
“Dear god. Hotch?”  
“Nah. Not Hotch. He’s a brilliant profiler but completely clueless when it comes to social cues. Garcia, of course.”  
“You told Garcia!”  
Derek shakes his head.  
“Of course, I didn’t tell Garcia! It really hasn’t been that much of a secret, Emily. Why do you think she’s been trying to push you and JJ together ever since Will left?”  
Emily’s mouth hangs open again as the current conversation and the news about Will fight for space in her brain. Finally, she squeaks out, “is she ok?”  
Derek nods his chin in JJs direction again. “She will be. You should go talk to her.”  
“I don’t know what to say.“  
Derek sighs. “Look, what happened last night, it meant something. You need to talk to her.”  
Emily fights to find coherent words. “She-she told you?”  
Derek grins. “No, but you just did.”  
Emily stares blindly in disbelief as he unbuckles his seat belt and slides away into the aisle. Time slips away from her as she tries to process everything that has been happening around her, to her. She realizes she’s alone in the back of the plane, but for JJ on the couch, when she spies Rossi walking slowly toward her. She glares at him.  
“You can go back to your seat now.”  
He raises his hands in surrender. “Fine. Fine.” As he turns, she notices that he and Spencer have purposely set up their chess board at the farthest corner of the airplane with Derek kibitzing and critiquing every move. They both have their backs to her.  
“How long has the fix been in?”  
He shrugs and smiles enigmatically. “In my life, I’ve learned that opportunities may not always come again.”  
She sits quietly for a few more minutes, desperately trying to decide how much she’s willing to admit to herself and if she’s strong enough to live if JJ rejects her. JJ mumbles softly in her sleep and rolls over, her face to the back of the couch, her knees pulled to a fetal position. Without conscious direction, Emily’s eyes find her and she is transfixed by the way the blunt edges of JJ’s blond hair feather across the black of her sweater. Her vision begins to blur and before she realizes what she is doing, she is on her feet and by JJ’s side. She lowers herself to the couch and tentatively stretches herself along side JJ’s body. When JJ doesn’t protest, she turns to her side and lets herself wrap softly around the curve of JJ’s back. Her arm falls lightly across JJ’s middle and her fingers touch the fabric of the couch beneath them. JJ wriggles into her and something that sounds like “mmm. That feels nice.” trickles from her mouth. Emily prays those are the words JJ meant to say and relaxes. JJ’s body recognizes the nervous energy seep away and she wriggles herself deeper into Emily’s midsection. Emily closes her eyes, content to be with JJ in this moment, even if it means rejection when JJ realizes it’s her woman’s body she feels against her own and not Will’s.

When Emily wakes, she is alone on the couch. She feels a gentle touch on her shoulder. “We’re landing. You need to buckle in.” She stumbles to the first safe chair and fumbles for the seat belt. Her brain refuses to deal with waking up by herself again and she sits completely numb and unseeing. Another touch. Another voice. None of it can penetrate the walls that her brain has put up to protect her. The roar between her ears is too much to even remember where she is or what is happening to her. Time ceases and she resists all awareness of the world outside of herself.  
A harsh voice finally wakes her.  
“Emily!”  
She turns to see JJ sitting in the chair next to her.  
“I made you a coffee. Do you want it?”  
“Umm-what?”  
“You didn’t get a lot of sleep last night. I think that might have been my fault so I made you a coffee when I got up.”  
“You got up?”  
JJ looks puzzled. “Em, are you OK? You’re acting really funny?”  
“Em?”  
JJ gestures at her with the coffee cup again. Emily takes it and a big gulp. The liquid burns the back of her throat and the pain finally breaks through her fugue.  
“I’m sorry, JJ. I’ve been having kind of a strange day.”  
JJ smiles. “I’ll say. You’ve never tried to sleep with me before.”  
Emily chokes and spills the scalding hot coffee down the inside of her blouse.  
“Goddammit!” she yelps as she jumps and simultaneously realizes she’s still belted to her seat, spilling more of the coffee.  
JJ laughs as she pulls a napkin from her lap. Instead of handing it to Emily, she leans over and begins to blot the liquid off of Emily’s chest. Emily goes rigid.  
JJ clucks at her, “oh c’mon! Its not like I haven’t seen them before.”  
Emily roughly pushes JJ’s hand away.  
“JJ, stop. Please. We need to talk.”

 

By the time Emily pulls herself together, the plane is on the ground. She watches as Will and Hotch’s sister hand off their children with happy voices and loud kisses. Rossi chats on the phone to his woman du jour, Spencer already has his nose buried in a Magic Palace video and an obscure article on chess. Derek rushes off, knowing its always better to find Garcia with the good gossip before she hunts him down, especially if he brings the ice cream.  
Emily sighs. Nothing ever really changes. She took her shot. She decides to rethink the idea of a getting a cat. She’ll have to talk to Garcia about it. Oh god no! Not Garcia! Not now! Who else knows anything about cats? Spencer. Spencer watches a lot of those stupid cat videos with JJ. Oh my god JJ! What is she going to say to JJ? She barely notices when someone steps into her path.  
“You startled me.”  
JJ shakes her head yet again. “I think maybe you need to get your hearing checked. I’ve been yelling at you from across the aisle.”  
“You have?”  
JJ narrows her eyes. “You’re starting to scare me, Emily. What is going on with you?’  
Emily pushes back the panic. “It’s nothing that won’t keep. Go be with your family. We can talk later.”  
JJ grabs her arm to keep her from leaving. “I thought you wanted to talk now.”  
“I did but this really isn’t the time. You need to spend time with Henry and, um- your family.“ She tries to pull away again but JJ grips her arm tighter.  
“They just came by so I could give Henry some love. They’re on their way to New Orleans tonight.”  
“Oh.”  
JJ sighs in frustration. “Am I going to have to get you drunk before you’ll talk to me?”  
“What?”  
She tightens her grip even more and pulls Emily toward a row of airport seats.  
“Ow, you’re hurting me!”  
“Good. Now sit.”  
Emily obeys but she refuses to look at JJ.  
JJ sighs loudly. “Fine. I’ll talk. Something weird is going on with you, Emily.”  
“Its nothing. I’ll figure it out.” Emily tries to interrupt but JJ isn’t having it.  
“Did I tell you I had a dream last night?”  
“Oh?” Emily squeaks, her voice an octave too high.  
JJ nods. “Yep. I dreamt that someone was holding last me night me because I was I was scared of the storm.”  
Emily smiles in relief. “That really happened.”  
JJ nods. “Do you want to know the really weird part of my dream?”  
Emily doesn’t answer. She’s pretty sure she doesn’t want to know anything about what happens in JJ’s dreams.  
“I dreamt that someone, who I love more than anything in the world, told me something important. And then she told me she loved me.”  
“Really?”  
JJ smiles, encouraged by the note of hope in Emily’s voice. “Mmm hmm. I just wish I knew if it was a dream or not.”  
She leans close to Emily and stares into her near black eyes. “Do you know if it was real, Emily? Or was it just a dream?”  
Emily blinks. She wants to look away. She wants to disappear and hope that no one ever remembers her name. She wants to kiss JJ more than she’s ever wanted anything in her entire life.  
“It was real.” She leans in and her lips finally learn what JJ’s taste like. JJ pulls back. She gently wipes the tears from Emily’s cheeks with her thumbs. “I really wanted it to be real, Em. Why didn’t you ever tell me?”  
“I-I couldn’t. JJ, you’re married. To Will. You’re someone’s mother. You’re not into women.”  
JJ smiles as she touches her lips back to Emily’s. “How would you know? You never asked-“  
Emily’s jaw hangs, again. “Jay-I-how-“  
JJ smiles again. “You know, you’re about as clueless as Hotch.”  
“What? I am?”  
“Em, I’ve never been afraid of thunder.”

JJ empties the rest of the wine bottle into her glass and leans back into Emily’s side. She likes the way Emily’s arm feels around her shoulder and how soft the skin is on the side of Emily’s neck. She brushes it with her lips one more time and drains her glass.  
“Do you want to spend the night?”  
“I’m not having sex with you!” Emily blurts.  
JJ laughs. “Ouch.”  
Emily feels her cheeks burn hotter. “I mean I want to. God JJ, I’ve wanted to make love to you since the moment I first saw you. I just don’t think that it would be a good idea right now. We’ve both, I mean, I’ve had a really long day and I’m not sure I can handle anything more right now.”  
JJ pulls her face into her hands and kisses her again. “I understand, Emily. I think that too. But since we’ve already kinda slept together, I’d kinda like to do that again. If you would too?”  
Emily tries to blink back the water spilling from her eyes. “I really really want to do that.”

Emily hesitates as JJ gets ready for bed, still unsure what the dress code will be. She stares as JJ pulls off her sweater and then her bra, balling each up and shooting them like a basketball into the laundry hamper. She begins to unbutton her pants when she catches Emily staring again.  
“What? You want me to go slower? C’mon already. I’m getting cold.” She leaves her pants where they fall on the floor and crawls naked into the bed. She flips the corner of the comforter down as an invitation. Emily scrambles out of her clothes and climbs in, keeping a respectful distance between her naked parts and JJ’s. JJ immediately moves to her and melds her body to Emily’s, wrapping her up with her arms.  
“I’m glad we finally got to talk.” She mumbles as she immediately drifts off to sleep.

Emily wakes to an all too familiar panic as she realizes she’s once again alone in JJ’s bed.  
“Em?”  
She looks up to see JJ standing in the doorway, in all of her naked blonde Amazon goddess beauty, a cup of coffee in each hand. Emily falls back into the pillows, her relief palpable. “You’ve got to stop doing that to me. My fragile psyche can’t take any more of this.”  
JJ laughs softly as she takes a sip and sets both mugs on the top of the dresser. She climbs onto the bed, straddling Emily over the comforter. “Will you make love to me now, Emily?”  
Emily nods as she watches her hand rise and her finger tips graze along the swell of JJ’s breast. The skin is softer and paler than the rest of JJ. A dusty red nipple stands out in stark contrast to the porcelain perfection of the breast. Emily rolls it gently between her fingertips. The noise JJ makes sets her every nerve on fire and she feels the hot rush of fluid between her legs.  
“JJ-“  
She can’t finish her thought as JJ’s body loses all semblance of cohesion and she collapses on to Emily. Emily desperately tears at the bedsheets between her and the body she’s been craving her entire life. Finally free, she flips JJ to her back and attacks her mouth with her own. JJ wraps her up with her arms and legs and kisses Emily back with an intensity that Emily never knew possible. She finally rips herself from JJ’s hot mouth only because her need to taste JJ’s breast is more than her need for life. JJ clutches Emily’s head to her chest and tries to wriggle her own leg between Emily’s.  
Emily finally regains some sense of what she thinks is proper. “JJ. Wait.”  
JJ pulls back but she doesn’t stop pushing with her leg. “What’s wrong? Have you not done this before?”  
Emily’s cheeks flame. “Of course, I mean, I’ve done stuff.”  
JJ smiles softly as she reverses their positions again. She revisits what she is sure is going to be her favorite part of Emily before moving from the sweet smelling softness under Emily’s ear to her collar bone where she gives it a gentle nip.  
“You just lie still, I’ll show you how its done.”

Emily wakes, one more time to the panic of being alone. She opens her eyes to see the most gorgeous blue eyes looking back at her.  
“You’re here?”  
JJ smiles patiently. “Of course I’m here. I wanted to wait until you were awake before I went to make more coffee. I didn’t want to worry you again.” She kisses Emily one more time before dodging a groping hand and sliding off the bed.  
“Have I created a monster or what? Are you ever going to let me out of bed?”  
Emily grins. “Not if I can help it.”


End file.
